Saddle Up Cowboy Fans!

VH1, reality TV and football all rolled into one, my prayers have been answered. “The Terrell Owens Project” is already my new favorite show, and it hasn’t even been filmed yet.

I have never and will never be a Dallas Cowboy fan for multiple reasons, and T.O. used to be one of them. That all changed when I drafted him for my fantasy team this year, with high hopes of him living up to all the hype he gives himself. Boy was I let down. Nonetheless, I couldn’t help but root for him every Sunday, only to face the utter defeat of 4th place. I have, in this time, decided that 4th place is worst than last, and I blame it all on T.O. Well, here’s one more chance for T.O. to redeem himself! The infamous running back will be “documented” throughout the off-season so we can see what the man is really about. I’m sure there are many more facets to his personality than we have seen on the field and in press conferences… I’m especially looking forward to seeing the “quiet, sensitive, mild-mannered guy from Alexander City, Alabama…” that the press-release promises we’ll see on the show. Because when you think T.O. and camera time, you think humble, right?

KL

Some Light House Cleaning Please

Need some light house cleaning. I'm pretty busy and not able to cleanmy apartment so I need someone to do some light work once a week or so.Here are some pictures to give a general idea.











Really, Ill pay you. Lots and lots of monies.

KC

Guys without Bikes - m4w

Ed's note - Sometimes Craigslist Says it all. This guy took the words right outta my mouth.

I peruse the CL MCs (Craigslist missed connections.) on the man end over here and I have to say, is there any love for a guy NOT on a bike? It's often the only identifying factor left to describe the man with whom you ladies are so smitten.

"You: Red road bike with clipless pedals. Me: Cute brunette....etc."

"To the guy on the yellow fixie with...."

There's more. Hundreds and hundreds more. Seriously, it's not even effective anymore. There's like 500 hipster dudes out there with a yellow fixie, probably half of them on bart at any given time. If I threw a "Dudes with Yellow Fixie" party I'd probably have to rent out the Cow Palace to house them all. Your ad could turn up any one of them, although actually that probably doesn't bother you much. It seems you hardly even saw the dude, so transfixed as you were by his tats, skinny jeans, and that yellow fixie. Honestly, is this the new chick magnet? Has the red sports car of the 80's been replaced with the fixed wheel bike (not that the environment doesn't thank you)? Has the small, cute dog gone the way of the dodo for conversation starters? What will tiny, crappy dogs do if they're not getting dudes laid? Live in spoiled girls' purses only? How sad.

I'm just waiting for the ad that says "You slammed into me from behind, knocking my coffee onto my boss and my laptop onto the ground which now has a cracked screen - I don't know if I'll be able to get my work off of it yet - and then you rode off kicking up gravel into my face as I sank prostrate on my knees behind you trying to recover myself. You had the most amazing red fixed-wheel bike that zipped in and out of traffic, causing a minor accident in which a woman rear-ended an elderly man who still had the reflexes to stop before hitting you. If you want to get coffee, I'd love to meet you!"

I suppose I'm just hating. It's the Bay Area and that seems to be what you ladies are into. Just tell me, do I need to actually ride the bike or can I just carry it around so I can get noticed? Because I'm willing. Don't doubt it.

KC

Open your heart and let Steve in.

He will save your soul.

I Love You Los Angeles, at least for today.

My love/hate with the city of LA has been a long and tedious affair. Each and every day she spurs me towards both emotions, and I guess that is why I have never been able to leave her.

I have certainly got to give her credit today. While the rest of the US is pounded by severely cold weather she has blessed us with sunshine and joy. Its days like this that make me strangely accepting of the endless urban sprawl, insane amounts of traffic, and lung smothering smog that seem to be par for the course.

Just so all of you understand how rad this is....It is January, and as I write this the current temperature is 82°F, With the wind blowing north at 0mph and the humidity at a minute 14%. Suck on that midwest. (current temperature in Kenosha WI (-7°F) As you were shoveling snow out of your driveway I was deciding what sandals I wanted to wear today.

Los Angeles, you have made me happy....but I am not foolish enough to be enticed by just one offering of affection. I know your true nature. You are a vile temptress that is never to be trusted....but today you have done well...today...I love you.

KC

K&A

Alyssa: So, I slept with this guy, let’s call him “Frank”, and he’s just not funny anymore… I don’t think he’s any less funny than he was before I slept with him, or maybe he was never funny in the first place. And I just thought he was funny, because I wanted to sleep with him? I dunno.
Kelly: Yea, I know what you mean. It’s like you only THOUGHT he was funny because you wanted to sleep with him. It’s like beer goggles, for sex.
A: YES! Exactly. It’s like I stole his funny.
K: What if you could catch someone’s personality traits like STD’s? Like after sleeping with him, you caught his funny, and now he doesn’t have it anymore.
A: I HAVE been feeling funnier since I slept with him…

STF- Sexually Transmitted Funny. After sleeping with a funny person, you yourself, become funnier, and in turn, leave your sexual partner unfunny.
STV- Sexually Transmitted Violence. Once sleeping with a violent person, you yourself become more violent. This trait does not necessarily leave the other person, you just do.
STI- Sexually Transmitted Intelligence. This one could actually work to your advantage. If you, let’s say, sleep with an Asian before taking the SAT’s, you are almost guaranteed a killer score. Just make sure you do them an odd number of times, so you end up with the smarts, and don’t pass it back to them.

Other less plausible possibilities: Such as, contracting a British accent after sleeping with that hot foreign exchange student, becoming really good at golf, contracting racism, brown eyes, growing taller, or shorter, and dramatic weight gain or loss.

*It should be noted that these contagious characteristics are more easily passed from males to females than vice versa. There is a 7:1 chance for females to contract something if participating in unprotected sex.

AW&KL

Forts Don't Got Carpet.

I know two things about women.

1.) I love them.

2.) They are evil.

Beyond this, I fail to understand any additional facets of the female being.

In an attempt to change this, I have enlisted the help of two experts.
They are girls. They do not wear uggs and they both drive modest cars. This makes them class A citizens in my book. I hope you enjoy their insights and humor as much as I do.

KC

Happy Birthday Elvis!

In Honor Of what would have been the King's 74th birthday, I am posting two of my favorite Elvis themed things in the whole wide world.

Number One.... The greatest Elvis Impersonator ever.
Who Loves steel reserve?!?!?...This Guy Does.





Number Two.....Straight Outta Disgraceland.. "Dead Elvis And His One Man Grave"


KC